Family Matters

I'm just... really angry. Not really disappointed which is unfortunate because that would mean I expected better, but I really didn't.
What am I angry about you ask?

Well over a year ago my parents separated which I was actually happy about as my parents had been making each other miserable for years. However shortly after their separation it was discovered that my father was having relations with a friend of ours. A friend we spent every Sunday and several holidays a year with. This woman helped fix up our house, spent time with my mom during the separation offering support all the while she was...with my father... They had hooked up while my father was still living in the same house as my mother and they were barely separated, and not even legally yet. They acted inappropriately. Both of them blatantly flirting with each other long before the separation occurred. It was so obvious that not only did we all see it, friends of all of ours commented on it as well. They got caught and immediately the defenses went up and suddenly everyone else was in the wrong and not them. My father even found our reaction disrespectful. The entire thing was messy and didn't need to happen, if everyone (my father and the BEEP!) had been honest.
Anyway to make a long story short, we do not talk to her and my brother and I did not talk to my father in almost a year. His narcissism and inability to take responsibility for what he had done made it impossible for a relationship with him to continue.
Well a little over a month ago now we received an email from my father stating that my grandfather was dying of cancer and to top it off he had just suffered a massive stroke, was paralyzed on the right side of his body and was in the hospital fighting for his life. I ignored the fact that he emailed me this information rather than growing some balls and calling his children as the situation required and called him for the details. Next thing you know, 3 hours later after having not spoken in over 10 months my brother and I are driving 5 hours Ottawa at 8:30 at night to pick up flight passes and fly to Saskatchewan. We stopped at my cousins to pick up the passes and had a short 30 min nap at 2:30am, then we drove to the airport and flew to Saskatoon, where we rented a car and drove to Battleford where my grandpa was in the hospital. We spent 3 days by his side before doing the entire thing in reverse. That was a stressful and exhausting situation, but I was thankful I was able to see my grandpa before he passed.
It was inevitable that we were going to hash things out, being in a high stress, close quartered situation like that makes it nearly impossible for that to not happen. And so we did the last day of travelling. On the way home from Sask. we were sitting in a restaurant in Ottawa having some lunch, and the three of us had it out. My brother felt better about the situation in the end, and I could tell my father did as well, but the episode just angered me more. He lied to my face, he lied about the incidents that transpired he clearly didn't feel he was in the wrong. He tried to turn my mother against me by trying to have me question her character, he accused her of being the reason why he had lost his job, and he continued to blame everyone else. It was during this heated discussion that I realized my father was never going to change. He had always been like this, and likely always would be. Not very comforting, but a reality nonetheless. I should mention that he did actually apologize for hurting us, that I am sure of he never meant to do, he just never thought of anyone else.
So getting home and his birthday and fathers day was the next weekend I try to be nice and ask him to brunch or lunch or something on fathers day, but he already has plans with HER, and her ex husband who p.s left her for a Thai woman half his age. Now if you were trying to repair your relationship with your estranged daughter, wouldn't you maybe reschedule with the other non father related people? He chose to spend FATHERS DAY with this messed up new family than his own daughter and instead schedule another time with me. Fathers day this year was one big disappointment, but I guess it shouldn't have been a surprise. I knew who I was trying to make plans with.
So now it has been over a month later and my grandpa passed away last week. My dad cant afford second plane tickets again for my brother and I again and I understand, but what actually infuriates me is that he brought HER! My family loves my mother and has never met her. A death is not the time to introduce her. She got to be with my family whom I love during a time of need, and I got to stay at home and wish I was there. I missed my grandfathers funeral and this woman who never met my grandfather was able to go. It did not occur to my father that the price of her flight could have gotten his children a standby ticket each and then they would have been able to go instead.

Im leaving out a lot of details when I rant about this but you get the idea of how this has all been frustrating me. Its hard being the adult with your parent.

Ive had a crappy time.